as tears go by

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doing things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch
As tears go by

M. Jagger, K. Richards

The past week has been one of mixed emotions for me and filled with both tears of sorrow and joy.   Between the angst of DH’s health issues and helping him emotionally as best I can and the other highs (music, family) and lows (work) in my life, I’ve had a rather odd week, filled with tears both positive and negative.

My day job involves working with people who are injured and most likely in a transitional phase in their lives as they are coping with recovering from their injuries and other factors in their day-to-day lives (work, family, social adjustments).  As I am dealing with folks who have been in the system for prolonged basis, I often get folks who have long-term disabilities resulting in changes that will affect their lives and livelihoods permanently.

Due to recent policy changes and management style, we have been reviewing many of these longer-term clients and adjusting the services and support we are offering them, more often than not, denying access to services many of these clients have had for years.  This has been tough and recently the anticipated (and somewhat devastating) outcome of one such decision came to fruition last week.  The decision-maker was, of course, on vacation and I was left to pick up the pieces.

My comment on twitter was that I was sure that I had no tears left inside me; however work indeed proved me wrong!

I had recently been contacted by a musician I admire and respect regarding doing some teaching/counselling for their organization.  I don’t know how I landed in their radar, however I was honoured that they reached out to me and asked me to talk about my music and how it relates to and reflects my philosophical vision and spirituality.  The first year I was asked, I was in a rather transitional phase and felt I was not ready to take on such a leadership role, however this year I was, but am unable to due to obvious reasons.

I called this musician and asked them if I could postpone to next year and was told that the invitation is standing and open and that they hoped I would consider becoming a permanent member of their team.  Tears began to flow again – this time tears of joy to be honoured so.  I am a lucky person to have supportive folks behind me who believe in me, even when I do not.

In one of my “music listography” blog postings, I posted a list of music I felt I needed to focus on more, which apparently hit on the radar of a drummer whom I regard rather highly as it included his music.  He wrote a comment on the blog posting in question and also contacted me directly.  More tears – of excitement this time.

I had been attempting to secure a particular piece of music equipment that will allow me to record guitars and basses easily, as well as serve as a live performance tool that will allow me to travel more lightly and carry less stuff with me in general.  It arrived and in the process of playing with it over the past week, I happened upon a tone that just worked for one of the songs on table for one. that has been a sticking point for me.

Writers block overcome in this case, more tears! 

There’s still more musical news, but some of it, I can’t say at the moment, but when the time comes, it will be announced!  Finally, I had a lovely weekend visit from my brother and his family, taking them to the local farmer’s market and one of my favourite cafés for brunch and a beverage.  It was nice just getting a chance to sit and talk with them not surrounded by family at a big gathering.  It sadly just doesn’t happen all that often anymore.

DB has commented that I must be suffering from emotional whiplash these days – it’s closer to that queasy, motion sickness, feeling after being on a roller coaster or the Magic Tea Cups…

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