…or the difference one year can make.
This year HAS been a happy Canada Day. Compared to last year, at least…
Exactly one year ago today, I was pacing back and forth at Toronto General Hospital while DH was being tested for what was initially thought of being acute organ rejection, but, in the long run, was something far more sinister: bile duct and pancreatic cancer.
SInce that fateful Canada Day discovery, it has been a year of extreme highs and lows which has forced me, yet again, to evaluate what is important to me and focus on taking care of issues that I have often tried to avoid dealing with.
After this past year, I have found myself even more comfortable in my own skin and open about who I am to folks. I have always been a “love me or leave me” kinda guy, but now I’m even more so and the folks that can’t handle it have to choose for themselves if a confident and self-assured Myke is the kind of person they want to be around.
Not to mention a happy and content Myke. A person whom I thought I’d never find again after hitting puberty and having my life nearly destroyed by two adults whom I thought I could trust.
To those who have exited my life due to my new found confidence and contentment, I’m sorry that I have changed enough to accept the person that I have become. I am however not sorry that the insecure, neurotic and unhappy person you apparently once liked is gone.
To the people whom I have had to force out of my life due to your trying to stop me from becoming me – I am not going to go back to being the insecure, unhappy, closeted person who they feel safe with. If they want to be in my life – they have to want to be in my life as I am now.
I think the last step in my self-actualization was my return to head office at the day job. I ended up in the hospital, requiring emergency surgery, because of one person and I realized that some people were just not worth my time and effort any more. It’s a sad realization to make, but I have been pruning people from my life over the past three years, including some of the ghosts that have haunted me.
Moving back to head office in Toronto was symbolic of this, moving onward in life. I’m still not going to leave the awesome people in Hamilton office behind, I’ll just cherish what time I have with them even more than before.
Since DH‘s chemotherapy is over with, he has been struggling with regaining his strength. He has also been struggling with his self-image and determining what the “new normal” for him, and I, will look like. I love him dearly and will stand behind whatever decision he makes in his life.
The past twelve months have seen some fairly intense changes and activities in my life:
- I’ve joined the Hamilton Gay Men’s Chorus and am active as a founding member of their executive committee, working as music librarian and producing the spring “Easter Gaybaret.”
- I’m working as paid tenor soloist for St. Paul’s Presbyterian Church and have performed two successful years with them. During the summer months I have (and will be) performed solo selections as part of the regular service. Please check the Myke Hutchings Facebook page for more information on this year’s selections.
- I’ve finished recording for the latest Balderdash and Humbug Holiday CD “The 55 Days of Christmas,” which will be released in September.
- I’ve also completed the writing for my first solo CD “table for one.” and am now figuring out how the recording of this project will be undertaken.
- The bloodwood. music project is en route as during all of the writing and recording I’ve been doing has created music that neither fits B&H or table for one. One such song – dedicated to DH – was debuted at the HGMC Easter Gaybaret and I managed to sing it without choking up or weeping too hard.
So that’s the past year in a nutshell. It has been a year of forced growth, dealing with issues and forcibly removing negative influences from my life. It’s been quite the rollercoaster ride, white knuckled and frightening for some parts, incredibly fun and thrilling at others.
Thanks to those of you who have stuck with me to share this ride!