Here I am over two months since you passed and I’m still coming to terms with how life without you will look.
There isn’t a day when I hope you’ll walk through the front door or come up from the basement – however I know that is never going to happen. Chloe still goes looking for you in the house when she wakes up for a nap and always ends up in front of your ashes, sighing. She sums up how I often feel better than I could.
I knew in my heart that when I fell in love with a man twenty six years my senior, I would most likely outlive you, however after the transplant, I was hoping we’d see your late 70s at least.
But that was not meant to be.
I’m just happy that after so much pain and suffering in your life, it is finally over and that you can move on to the next phase of existence , whatever that may be.
This morning was tough, waking up alone still sucks. When I walked Sunny and Chloe this morning, I swore I heard that familiar flat-footed step behind me. Sunny and Chloe heard it too as they were constantly stopping and looking back over their left shoulders, wagging their tails.
Now don’t get me wrong hon, it IS getting somewhat easier, but there are days…Thankfully they are coming to me fewer and farther between. Although it just gives me more time to stock up on tears for another blow out!
You’ll be happy to know that some of our friends have REALLY stepped up to the plate in helping me rebuild life from the shards and fragments left – not to mention new folks who seem almost strategically placed by a higher power. I am blessed and lucky to have these folks in my life.
- Mom and Dad – for everything, love, support and being there when you were needed, even when I didn’t think I needed my parents
- David Bartlett – my pillar, my guide my sanity check, for making me smile and laugh when nothing else could
- Iain Bennett and Scott Bukovac – Da bears – for their support, honesty and random hugs at unexpected times
- Bob Boyter – for helping with all things Santa, including acting as a shield and bodyguard when necessary and for the random porch side chats
- Bob Garvin – for taking the reins of Santa Canada and providing the direction it NEEDS to take
David G Hallman – for August Farewell, Searching for Gilead and the conversations on loss, grief and feeling “those” emotions
- David Jacobs – for guidance, discipline and perspective on growth, change and moving on
- Steve Kubien – for your friendship, honesty and of course, your craftsmanship. Larry was so happy with the vessel, Sunny and Chloe guard it and its contents whenever we have guests
- Steve Lawson – for the music, comments and support from afar. The sessions with colfaxsound have been my soundtrack for the past month or so – I sincerely hope our paths cross so I can shake your hand/buy you a drink
- David Milmine – for your honesty, your caring and spiritual guidance
- Dana Montgomery – despite everything going on in your life, you dropped everything and spent one of the toughest weeks in my life with me – I owe you muchly for that brother
- Rev Doug Moore – for being a safe haven in my maelstrom and the beacon when I was being swept away
- Kathleen Shipley – for being an understanding and supportive manager – a rarity in ANY organisation these days
- Mara Veronesi – big sister, listener and friend – again despite everything going on in your life, you’ve taken the time
I may have forgotten some folks, but I think this is a good start. As you can see hon, it’s taken more than a village (at least three nations) to even come close to filling the roles you had in my life. I know you worried about me towards the end – heck there are days when I worry about me – but I am doing as okay as I can, given the circumstances.
Miss ya hon, love ya,