It’s been three months and I have a number of questions that have remained unanswered to date. I’ve talked to counsellors, friends who have lost spouses, clergy and coworkers and nobody is able to provide a succint, pat answer to any of these.
I suspect nobody will actually ever have an answer to them but I’m going to ask them aloud anyways:
- When does it stop hurting?
- How long does the feeling of incredible loneliness last?
- When is an acceptable time to start considering “moving on”?
- When does the guilt for even thinking about moving on subside?
- How can I even consider the possibility of anyone to replace the one person who meant more than anything else in this world to me?
- Will I find someone who is just as good as the one person who meant more than anything else in this world to me?
- When will my anger for losing the one person who meant more than anything else in this world subside?
- Am I justified in feeling this constant combination of hurt, pain, fear, anger and guilt?
- Are people being nice to me simply because of this? Am I being handled with kid gloves? Are they being honest with me or protecting me from some dark truth?
- Why are some of my friends avoiding me? When I need them now more than ever?
- Why can’t some people just leave me alone?