you label me, i label you

Over the past few weeks I’ve found that I’ve become increasingly intolerant to a myth that pervades our culture with regards to human sexuality.

You know the myth that heterosexual relationships are based on an emotional and spiritual bond and that homosexual relationships are based on physical desire and sexual contact.

This is a myth that has been perpetuated by both sides of the argument and often fellow queer folk are as guilty of it as any straight people. This is something that bothers me.

It all came to a head last night when I was sitting in with a musician (as I have once a month since August 2013) and he said that no matter what, he would never be caught working with a homosexual. One of the other musicians, who knows me well saw my eyes fire up and braced himself for what he knew was coming.

I looked at the musician in question and said, “Funny, but you have been working with me for the past five months and you haven’t seemed to have any issue with it.”

His reply was “You never told me you were a sodomite.”

I replied, “If I am a sodomite, how should I address you: missionary, hand job or fellate? I mean if my fifteen year relationship with my husband is going to be debased to a physical act, then your relationship with your wife should be measured by the same ruler.”

He looked as if I had slapped him and immediately shut up. The moment was deliciously tense but I think I made an evangelical Christian actually think.

The thing that bothered me the most was that he had no problems working with me for over five months until I actually told him I was gay. I have never changed who I am, his perception of me was what changed – which indicated to all involved that it wasn’t me who “had the problem.”

When I mentioned this happening on Facebook, a good friend who is an evangelical Christian was worried that I was going to tar all evangelicals with the same brush. I would never do that, much in the way that I hope he would never tar all LGTBQ folk with the same brush either. I felt compelled to reply with the following statement:

I judge Christians only if they fail to realize that they are not living true to the words and deeds of the man they claim to emulate. It’s always funny to me that the folks who most staunchly advertise their Christian faith often act the least Christ like, whereas the folks actually doing it allow their deeds and actions to speak for themselves.

This being said, most of times I’ve ever felt “bashed” and discriminated against where when people reduced my relationship to one single carnal act – being called cocksucker, pillow biter and yes, sodomite, hurt me more than the words queer or faggot ever could. My love for Larry was and is more than a single physical act. First and foremost it was a love of his heart, mind, spirit and soul. Heteros and homos alike need to get over this generalization, if we want to truly confirm we are an accepting equal society.

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