guest post: words from a wise woman

This past week, I found out that a woman I respected, loved and admired despite not ever having met her had passed on August 6.  Elda Lantz was Larry’s cousin who lived in California and she was a great support and influence in both of our lives.

When it came time for Larry and I to make our commitment to one another in a traditional Wiccan handfasting, Elda prepared the following meditation for us and it set the tone for our handfasting and, indeed, our lives together.

Elda, I will miss your gentle loving humour and your kindness to Larry and I.

Luv ya cuz!

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Larry and Myke, you have been together many times before throughout other life times. You made a sacred pact to come together to help each other heal the wounds that need healing – to serve as teachers and guides and support for each other as you go through this school of Spiritual evolution that we are all in.

It doesn’t matter what you call it – lovers, soul mates, whatever – what matters is that you honor the power of the connection that you feel.  And that is why you are here today.  To stand in front of the Goddess and the people you care the most about, publicly acknowledge and affirm the sacred commitment that exists between you.  As you were powerless in this lifetime to do anything else but end up at this moment.

You must be admonished that this is not the ending where the music swells and the romantic couple rides off into the sunset to live happily ever after.  This is indeed just the beginning.

You are indeed “gifts from heaven” to each other.  But like all gifts, there is good news and bad news. The good is that you have found your soul mate and you are going to touch ecstasy together as you are on the path to learning about the true meaning of love. That is great news because LOVE is all there truly is and the only thing that is important.

The bad news is that you have lifetimes of history.  You have loved each other intensely and wounded each other grievously.  You each have wounds from your paths in this lifetime that are reflections of the ways in which you have been wounded in other lifetimes.

You each have emotional “buttons” that trigger old defensive reactions, fears and insecurities – and you are sitting next to the person who was specifically prepared and trained to be a specialist in pushing your buttons.  The gift you will give each other by pushing those buttons will help each of you uncover the wounds that need to be healed.

You have come together to teach each other, to help each other heal, to support and encourage each other in your quest to find your true self.  If you keep healing, then you will thrive together.

What you are doing today is making a conscious commitment in the light, to support each other on your healing, Spiritual paths.  Please note that I said paths in the plural.  Your paths are going to run together – hopefully for the rest of your lives – but they will never become one path.  You are individual, unique, special, magnificent, powerful beings who are choosing to ally as partners in the journey to become all you are meant to be.

You are together because you resonate on the same wavelengths.  You fit together in such a way that together you are able to access the higher energy of love, joy, light, and truth – in a way that would be very difficult for either one of you to do by yourself.  You are coming together to touch the face of God.  You are uniting your energies to help you access the Love of the Holy Mother Source Energy.

You are not the source of each other’s love.  You are helping each other to access the LOVE that is the Source.  The love that you see when you see your soul in the others eyes is a reflection of the LOVE that you are.  Of the unconditional love that the Great Spirit feels for you.  It is very important to remember that the other person is helping you to access God’s LOVE within you – not giving you something that you have never had before.

It is important to remember that so you can remind yourself that the fear, lack and scarcity messages that will come up – the possessiveness, the jealousy, the fear of abandonment and betrayal, are coming from the wounded parts of you that got trained and traumatized by this dysfunctional society to view life from fear, lack and scarcity.  Those messages are lies – that is the illusion.  The true reality of the Universal Source is joy, love, and abundance.

The abundance of love and joy that you can help each other to feel by coming together – are levels that you then each will be able to access within yourself.  You are helping each other to remember how to access that love – helping each other to remember what it feels like and that “Yes!” you do deserve it.

It is very important to remember that so that you can let go!  Let go of believing that the other person has to be in your life, has to do things in a certain way, has to feel a certain way at a certain time.   As long as you believe that the other person is the source of your happiness you will feel compelled to try to control them so that you can stay happy.   You cannot control them and be happy.

You will need to let go and let go and let go yet again on a daily basis. Let go of believing that the other person has to be in a good mood or has to like the same things or wants to do things at the same time.  Let go of expecting that they can be there for you in the way you want all of the time.  They can’t.  They are human.  No one can meet all of another person’s needs.  You each need to have friends outside of your relationship.  You each need to have parts of your life that aren’t dependent upon the other.

You will hurt each other, scare each other and make each other angry.  Which will then give you the gift of being able to work through those issues to a deeper level of emotional intimacy.  Because as you reach those deeper levels of emotional intimacy your love will deepen and grow in ways in which you can’t even imagine.  You are going where neither of you has ever been before.  And you have a friend and a partner who is willing to make a sacred commitment here today to go on this adventure with you.

Celebrate that!!  It is an incredible gift!  Grab each moment you can and be present with it.  By being willing to be present to feel the difficult feelings – hurt, sadness, anger, fear; by being willing to walk through the terror of embracing life; by being willing to take the risk of being abandoned and betrayed.  To take the risk of completely exposing yourself to another being; you are opening yourself to joy and love to depths and on dimensions that you have never experienced until now.

Be each other’s sanctuary.  Be patient and kind and gentle whenever you can make that choice.  The more you do your healing and follow your Spiritual path the more moments of each day you will have the choice to Truly be present in the moment.

And in the moment you can make a choice to embrace and feel the Joy fully and completely and with Gusto.  In any specific moment you will have the power to make a choice to feel the Love in that moment as if you have never been hurt.   Completely absolutely unconditionally with fearless abandon you can embrace the Love and Joy in the moment.

Glory in it!  Love is the grandest, most sublime adventure available to us.  Let your hearts sing together.  Let your souls soar to unimagined heights.  Wallow in the sensual pleasure of each other’s bodies.  Roar with the joy of being fully alive.

Go for it!!!!

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two years later.

I’m sitting here in my dining room, writing this by the glow of my laptop screen and the candles that I have lit throughout the lower level of the house.  Two years ago I was worried about so many things  in my life:

  • worried about being alone after 15 years
  • worried about my future
  • worried about my sanity, worried about my health
  • worried about my family and how my life would change.

Two years down the road, guess what?  I’m still thinking about the same issues.  I’m not worried per se, however I have concerns and distinct fears.  What has changed is my approach in handling these issues and spending less time spinning my wheels and worrying about them, as opposed to outlining the steps I need to take to proceed further:

  • I am still alone after 2 years, however aside from periods where I am stressed and under pressure, I’m truly not lonely.  I have a supportive and loving family, I have a great group of friends who readily step up to the plate when I’m feeling weak and confused and my spiritual family has grown immensely in the past year.
  • My future is a mutable thing and it will be what I make of it.  It is becoming clearer that my future isn’t along the current path I’m on and perhaps not even in the city that has been my home for the past 17 years.  I love Hamilton immensely and it has helped me grow and develop into the man I’ve become, but I see my future elsewhere.
  • I’m still fighting for my health, after Larry’s death and my Dad’s passing, I’ve let things go with my diet and exercise.  I’m beginning to get this reigned back in and being more conscious of what I am doing.  My sanity is something that I have fought hard for over the past year.  After a crushing breakdown on December 20 last year, I’ve had an intense round of therapy and focusing on my issues.  The past eight months have been brutal and I do know the following truth:  life is too short to be doing something that leaves you unhappy at the end of the day.  I’ve spent much of the past 27 years of my life covering up my unhappiness through food, drugs, alcohol and masks.  Now that I’ve tackled the unhappiness that ruled my life for so long, I am choosing to follow my happiness, albeit cautiously, wherever it may lead me.
  • I’m still concerned about my family, particularly my Mother, after Dad passed.  I’m being as supportive as I can to assist her in determining her future plans and what she needs for her life on her own.  My brother and his family are constantly in my thoughts and I wish for them to continue to work towards their happiness as a family and as individuals.

So what does all this mean?  I am still a confused, although now less frightened, man.  I know that I can stand on my own as an individual and can blaze my own trail.  I am blessed with a strong foundation of family and friends who keep me grounded, balanced and more recently honest with myself.

Am I still frightened?  Somewhat.  Confused?  Yes.  Concerned?  Undoubtedly.  Excited?  Definitely!

Watch here for big things in the near future…it’s going to be an interesting journey – I can promise you that.