single caucasian gay male widower too young to know any better but too old for your bullshit.

The byline says it all.  I’m a single caucasian gay male who is looking for friendship with another gay male first, then seeing where that takes me.  If you’re expecting a quickie at the bathhouse or in the back of your car, I suspect you’ll be disappointed in me.

I’m clean and sober 14 years, so please don’t try to buy me a drink at the bar, please also don’t expect me to get you drunk/high/crunk/hammered/fucked up so you can loosen up.  I’m not interested in someone so inhibited that they need to be out of their minds to be with me.  So, please, no meth heads, coke fiends or tweekers, PNP guys or whatever.  If you are not interested in being with me sober, I suspect things will not work out over the long haul.

I consider myself sapiosexual fellas, I enjoy stimulating conversations, probing questions, slick dialogue and juicy, hot, hard facts.  Get me interested in you and I’ll be interested in you!

I see all these poor souls on the dating sites and social networks who were apparently born without heads or faces.  If you are such a person, I applaud your conviction and desire to find love, however I prefer my partners to have heads on their shoulders and be open about who they are.  Thank you for your interest, I suspect it was my facial picture that brought you here – by the way, how DID you see my photo if you don’t have eyes?

Please try to be clean and well-kept, however don’t drown yourself in scents.  I like a guy to be clean, fresh smelling but not like a 14 year old who has just discovered Axe body spray, at the same time, I’m okay with a hint of natural male, however if you can be smelled from 5 feet away or tasted downwind, shower, put on clean clothes and maybe we’ll talk.  I’m okay with a little natural “musk” however “eau du toilet” does not mean smelling like an actual commode.

Once again, I’ll reiterate that I am gay, queer, homosexual, and prefer men.  If you describe any part of your lower digestive tract as your “bussy,” “pussy” or “c*nt,” or express a desire to be “daddy’s little gurl” I suspect we won’t be a good match.  I’m fine with your desire to wear lacy things, but am not interested in hanging around you while you’re wearing them.  I have a number of intelligent, powerful, beautiful women as friends whom I enjoy hanging out with – I don’t need a poor facsimile.

Also – if you feel that dressing as a woman somehow “lowers” or humiliates you, I *DEFINITELY* have a problem with you.  Most of the women I know have seen things or had shit done to them that would make a grown man weep like a newborn.  Calling anyone a “pussy” is not an insult – have you ever seen a video of a woman giving birth?  That’s a show of fortitude that is superhuman in my opinion.  Take your internalized misogyny elsewhere.  By the way – most drag queens I know dress in drag as a source of empowerment and homage to the strong women in their lives, NOT as a form of submission or self-humiliation.

If you have a wife or husband or significant other and “have to keep things on the down low,” I know full well we won’t be a good match.  I’m not *against* polyamory, however I am totally against cheaters and liars – if you’re in a couple/partner situation, I expect everyone to be on the same page with regards to a relationship.  Plus if you’re going around behind the back of someone you’ve made vows to in front of your friends, family and deity…I get a pretty damn good idea of how much “your word and honour” are worth.

You should be employed or at least have a regular source of income, I won’t discriminate if you are retired, on disability, or temporarily on unemployment insurance.  However, as I own a dog, I already have a dependent for whom I provide food and shelter; I’m not interested in another one thank you very much.  Similarly, if you’re outside of Canada, and express a desire to move in with me – you’ll have to show me that you have gainful employment and that appropriate steps have been taken to achieve permanent residency.  You’d have to be someone pretty damned special for me to want to sponsor and support through that process.

Hey Toronto guys – guess what?  I work in your city 5 days a week and can visit you most afternoons (except Thursdays).  However, the remarkable thing about highways and transit is that they often travel in BOTH directions and the world does NOT end west of Bathurst.  The 55 minutes it takes to go from Hamilton to Toronto is the same 55 minutes it takes to go from Toronto to Hamilton.  You may wish to try it, Toronto Life magazine seems to have a hard on for Hamilton, so you should see what all the Yuppie/Hipster hype is all about AND I’ll even take you for at least a coffee, if not a meal and perhaps a hike to those “Toronto area” waterfalls that Blog TO likes to write about!