changes to the terms of service

For 2019 I decided to make some changes in how I handle relationships. My last post – the bluntly honest and realistic personal ad – was a hint of my growing attitude towards expending social, emotional and personal energy on others these days.

I’m honestly pretty tired these days trying to be sociable and available.

Recently I’ve noticed that a good number of my relationships have become decidedly one-sided as far as effort goes, particularly in maintaining contact. I expend a fair amount of my energy keeping in touch with friends and family and doing so is quite draining on my reserves. Some days I feel like just trying to be a good friend and acquaintance is an uphill battle and it’s leaving me drained.

I get that people have busy lives, but why should I expend effort in keeping in touch with people when it’s clear that I’m barely an afterthought in theirs? When it seems that my presence is treated as being a necessity or perhaps even a burden, why would I want to force that on a person?

I’m not going to cut these people out of my life, however why should I expend excessive energy keeping our contact open when it’s clearly not of value for them to reciprocate? Why should I feel obligated to maintain contact with people?

That being said, in a similar vein, the people who always say that we should get together but never accept an invitation, even if it’s just for a coffee or lunch or are “too busy but maybe next time.” Once that invitation is extended and refused, I’ll leave the ball in their court so that they can choose the “next time.”

The ball has been served. It’s up to them to smash it home.