After ten years of being a widower and now two years after a mentor/student relationship with a dear friend ended with their passing… The idea of a relationship at this point feels like a complication and I also know that I have now spent over a decade living uncompromisingly on my own so cohabitation would HAVE to be with someone special.
If I’m being fully honest, an intimate relationship with someone I have no emotional or intellectual connection with is now a non-starter. If I’m not interested in someone, I won’t be interested in them.
And yes, as my prior diatribes have explored, my attempts at dating have been mostly unsatisfying, if not outright disappointing or disheartening.
In 2018, I did ask someone special if they would like to enter in a relationship, however they were not ready and we agreed to be friends. And to this day, we still are very good friends. If they changed their mind – I suspect I’d be cautiously optimistic and try it, because honestly they would be worth it. However, during the pandemic, I gave up looking and dating – out of necessity – and found that I have since been far less frustrated.
Despite all this, it’s clear that I have had good support from friends, who have provided comfort with respect to grief, healing and moving on in life. While it would have been lovely to have someone to share my life and triumphs with (aside from Sunny and Chloe), it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me. I will admit my mentor was a very good “reality” check when I wallowed a little too long at times.
But as far as an intimate relationship, it’s not even a consideration at this juncture. A lot of guys are not equipped, interested enough, or willing to deal with someone who has lost a long-term partner. Nor are they willing to support someone who works in a complex job that sometimes carries a heavy emotional toll, So I have adjusted my expectations from life and have learned to appreciate my freedom.
And I’ve learned to be okay with this and accept it.
mykesworld 
I love this! This is exactly what I did a few years back, way before I met my husband. This decision didn’t directly lead to meeting him but it did make me happier with who I was and who I let into my life, including friends and family. When the time was right, and the person was right, then I was able to welcome him into my life in a healthy way.